Share Your Shame: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles The Movie (1990)

There is no shame in this. Not one bit. I decided to purchase a copy of this one day following a wave of nostalgia that also saw me buying the Masters of The Universe DVD. I love that too by the way. The thing is, as a kid, I never really cared much for the Turtles movie. The cartoon show, I loved, and I waited forever to see the movie, even buying and learning all the words on the soundtrack to compensate, but when I finally saw it aged 11, the movie seemed kinda dull. Until, one night, my lovely girlfriend and I decided to watch it on a whim. We were glad we did, we chuckled our way through the whole thing. Better enjoyed with a little alcohol (and a pizza, of course), the heroes in a half shell, the turtles four, entertained us good for an hour and a half. The plot was ridiculous. Obviously. The evil Shredder and his minions recruiting the lost youth of New York City in the late 80’s with promises that they can do whatever they want to, and the most bad ass thing they can come up with is smoking? In return they are given a crash course on Ninjitsu and carry out a crime wave of stealth and invisibility, with only the Turtles to stop them. There is the token ‘lost’ child with father issues, who is bad until he realises daddy loves him really, it’s just that daddy works very hard at the office. It has Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello, and Elias Koteas trying very hard to give Casey Jones a little Robert De Niro realism.

It’s good fun and the puppetry of the turtles (designed by Jim Henson) is awesome. It works well. Watching the little baby turtles play in the ooze that inevitably transforms them is endearingly cute. And Little Splinter, the rat, mimicking his master’s ninja skills, is laugh out loud sweet. I wish I had a pet rat that could kick the asses of some evil ninjas. If only I knew any local evil ninjas!! The acting is hardly top notch, and the jokes are lame, but it is a kid’s movie, and I smiled almost constantly. Being older now, I can also recognise actual teenage character traits in the Turtles, exaggerated obviously, but there nonetheless. Sulky, immature, hungry, daft, but with heart, I was glad to rediscover the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while they are still Teenage, Mutant and Ninjas. That is, before Michael Bay gets hold of them and does what Shredder never could, mangle them beyond recognition.

Leigh James Fowler